Twelve Days of Christmas adds up to a lot of mink coats | Off the Record

Well another Christmas and another year I didn’t get a full-length mink coat. It’s only been on my list since I was 5-years-old.

Yeah I was an odd child. All the other little girls wanted a Chatty Cathy doll who said “I love you,” “Let’s play school” and, the grammatically correct, “May I have a cookie” along with 15 other snappy phrases. I just wanted a Baby Secret doll to cuddle with under a, yes, mink coat.

I honestly don’t remember how I got it into my head that a mink coat was “the thing” but I did. I do remember though that I wasn’t disappointed that I didn’t get the coat because I did get the doll and, I loved her.

I just figured I’d put the coat on the next year’s list and the next year’s and the next and so on until “Kyra wants a mink coat for Christmas” became a family joke and I was old enough to buy one for myself. I never have.

Then one year I decided it would be wonderful to get all the presents from “The Twelve Days of Christmas” so I started including them on my list too. This year though just for the heck of it I decided to figure out the cost of my Twelve Days of Christmas wish list.

I thought figuring out the cost of a partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves, three French hens, four calling birds, fiiiiiive golden rings, six geese a-laying, seven swans a-swimming, eight maids a-milking, nine ladies dancing, 10 lords a-leaping, 11 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming would be challenging but low and behold PNC Bank releases the PNC Christmas Price Index which totals up how much each gift from the song would cost based on today’s market rate. How convenient is that?!?

Looking at the per item price and the total, it became clear to me why my true love did not give me a partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves, three French hens, four calling birds, fiiiiiive golden rings, six geese a-laying, seven swans a-swimming, eight maids a-milking, nine ladies dancing, 10 lords a-leaping, 11 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming. He would have needed to take out an equity loan on our home.

For the Christmas curious here’s the cost of the “Twelve Days of Christmas” in 2021:

A partridge in a pear tree: $222.68 (The caveat here is ya gotta have a place to plant the tree)

Two turtle doves: $450 (Coop not included)

Three French hens: $225 (See two turtle doves)

Four calling birds: $599.96 (See two turtle doves and three French hens)

Fiiiiive golden rings: $895 (Not seeing any drawbacks with this one.)

Six geese a-laying: $660 (Apparently the price of laying birds rose 57 percent this year.)

Seven swans a-swimming: $13,125 (For that price they better lay golden eggs.)

Eight maids a-milking: $58 (by far the most affordable gift on the list if you don’t include the eight dairy cows to go with them)

Nine ladies dancing: $7,552.84 (Where would they have room to dance in my home and where would I store them after the holiday season was over?)

Ten lords a-leaping: $11,260 (Could be entertaining watching nine lords leaping about my pasture but again once the leaping was over what the heck would I do with nine lords?)

Eleven pipers piping: $2,943.93 (The neighbors would probably file a noise complaint.)

Twelve drummers drumming: $3,183.17 (The neighbors would definitely file a noise complaint.)

All for a grand total of (Hey you! 12 drummers! Uh, could I get a drum roll please?) a great big whopping total of $41,205.58. That’s a lot of mink coats, just sayin’.

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